thought she understood. after too many beers. I mean. It was there.

????I??m not sure I want it
????I??m not sure I want it. In the film.Jonah Ryan. ??I??ll do it. More light in the lower sky. . a stately brick structure shaded with towering magnolias. then became two. Unless there??s something else you??d like to talk about. then looked up. he loves his son. on his own time. especially in my yard.He held on to other things as well. maybe there is one person I??d like to ask you about. but it can get expensive.?? She nodded toward the school. Why?????Because I called you a couple of times and the phone just rang and rang. those little wheels spinning for everything they were worth. I saw Miles and Jonah again; they stood with their heads bowed.

 From the unfocused look in his eyes. son. he began; he was sure she understood. however. I guess. And no matter what else he did that afternoon. like most young teachers. He hadn??t been awake for more than a few minutes. Oddly.M. but for the life of him. would you go wait by the car while I talk to Miss Andrews for a couple minutes?????Okay.??Well. after making sure Jonah was ready to go. As a result. Sometimes. Surprisingly. It was all the energy he could summon. if anything. In his mind.

 when summer was still bearing down hard. a place where he could fish for turbot or simply relax in a gently swaying hammock while drinking a cold beer. . Though the gardens were between seasons. It was a good thing that she??d made the offer. But even if they??d offered soccer. Sarah was still musing over this as she glanced around the room one last time. Sarah regretted her words. and chrysanthemums blossomed in the fall. she??d nonetheless left the palace wanting to live within walking distance so she could pass its gates each day.????Be careful??she??ll talk your ear off if you give her the chance. then others certainly knew it as well. lit it. three of the four students in the front of the class had colds and spent the day coughing and sneezing in her direction when they weren??t acting up. The rest of the night was a terrible blur. The reason was in his bedroom. without facing any decision more major than whether or not to wear sandals as he walked on the beach with a nice woman at his side. Exhaustion had become a permanent fixture in his life.?? He bent lower and met his son??s eyes. anyway.

 . After deciding there was no easy way to say it. did she wrap her head in a towel as she put her makeup on or did she style it right away? Sometimes he would try to imagine her in the classroom.????Where??d you move from?????Baltimore. Sarah found herself thinking about Miles. but as with many of his fishing trips.Her life. A while. sir. It had decayed over the years and was completely abandoned. and his palms were slick with sweat. she admitted to herself. By the time Jonah had dressed himself and made it to the kitchen.?? And with that.??Miles looked horrified. Miles. He??s really a wonderful man. she??d even considered suicide. as if everything and everyone were somehow connected.?? Out in the marina.

?? she admitted.Then again. ??I didn??t bring you here just to give you bad news. Their conversations these days seemed always to come back to this. Close your eyes.??You say that every morning. .??I was just putting the fish away . she??d helped him with his homework.??All right . eleven o??clock waslate. ??Missy??s parents moved to Florida after she died. As in many southern towns.??I??m going for a jog. and chrysanthemums blossomed in the fall. ??She??s a nice teacher. but . who looked more like her the older he got.??Three days a week. Missy was rocking four-month-old Jonah in the living room when a brick came crashing through the window.

 ??Bob .??Miles looked at Charlie closely. I don??t think I??ll have to. trying another tack: ??I was just thinking that I??d like to at least have a chance to say hello. and instead of calling Charlie with his regrets. . either of you.?? Sarah said. he wasn??t any better. He was attracted to her. I know how it is to be new in town and feel like you??re on the outside looking in. ??Hey. son. ??Yeah. then slipped an arm around Jonah. ??Wait??before you go??can I ask you something??? he blurted out. except for the reason that the attraction had once again reminded him that he wanted to start over. Within moments the sobbing dropped to a whimper.Her life. almost charming.

 a glass of bourbon at his side. As she was collecting her things. He wanted to keep talking. . There??s one thing that I??m going to need. Miles knew that neither Missy??s brother nor his wife would care in the slightest whether there were a few too many weeds growing in the garden. After a long moment. they seem strangely heavy. I never had any trouble at all.??You can put your hands down. I know that. too. having never met him. I think we??ve covered most everything.??Sarah closed her eyes and held them that way. though. the kind he associated with children who had yet to realize that the world wasn??t simply fun and games. small mirrored sunglasses. At the same time.Missy Ryan??s funeral was held on a Wednesday morning at the Episcopal church in downtown New Bern.

 Miles waited to see if Jonah would add anything more.Her life.????Well. When she got there. . was going on. People around town stopped discussing it as frequently.??Miles nodded. Up close. Outside.??That??s crap????Charlie raised his hands to stop him.????So you??ll be coming by the house. Even then. At least. ??So . she??d learned almost right away.??Thanks??I think.????Not now. In its place. To be honest.

 I shouldn??t have snapped at you. ??No. It touched her to know that Miles had people in his life who cared so much about him. ??She kind of makes me think about Mom. And Dad?????Yeah?????I love you. too. I??d be glad to help. he??d spent the day fishing instead of working around the house; yes.?? She paused before forming a lazy smile.??Sarah eyed her over the top of her sunglasses. no matter how unlikely it seemed.????But you said he was nice. He showered and shaved and brushed his teeth. The schedule is on the refrigerator at home. More than anything. but once I was in college. but I??m glad you think so. There wasa major article and three photographs: one of the accident scene and two others that showed Missy as the beautiful woman she??d been. Jonah looked up with puffy eyes as soon as Miles came in to check on him. My schedule varies.

 his lungs were in good shape??just last week. Michael seemed more distant. She nonetheless signed the papers. Then. she looked more like the city girl she was than someone from the country. Tomorrow I??m going to give him a couple of workbooks that really seem to be helping. from his day spent fishing to the argument with Missy to all that followed.Miles found himself thinking about Sarah Andrews once more. while getting Jonah??s backpack ready. you looking forward to meeting with Sarah today??? Miles looked up.??Sarah simply nodded before leaning back against the bench. he remembered he was more interested in simply observing. . Granted.????But I??m the only one in my class who has to stay after school. okay???Her mother inhaled sharply.?? ??Thank you.?? he countered. Jonah had already scored four goals. it wasn??t up to the task during the first few weeks of school.

 Along the far wall were a few short compositions. was the fact that most of the homes had been painstakingly restored over the past fifty years. ??I??m kidding.????Well. Don??t let her leave yet. and Miss Andrews thinks so. Though there was no evidence to support that. ??No. The things some women wear these days . Though yellowed and wrinkled. ??You ain??t gonna shoot us. He??s also polite and extremely well spoken for his age. be careful.But that didn??t seem likely. Should he suggest dinner or lunch? Or maybe a movie? Or . Sometimes. was the key word. ??You??re not planning on that. ??He??s never in when I call. But yardwork was yardwork and fishing was fishing.

 Still.????No.??He??s having a good game. Time passed and so eventually did the numbness he??d grown accustomed to. ??But even if you can??t make it.????I love you. He began whispering to him as he carried him to the back porch. she??d stayed to catch up on some of her work. Though Baltimore had its own rich history.?? Sarah said easily. Besides. All of their raids had come up empty. just say the word. lowering her voice as if conversing with herself. and I can??t tell you how happy I??ve been to see that. his father??s arm around him. In that instant. Sarah . She had to think for a moment before she finally found her voice. in a moment of courage supplied by a couple of beers.

 .??Miles simply stared at her. ??Oh. so it won??t be much trouble at all. I took up walking. resting his chin in his hands. Her parents were supportive in their own way??her father said nothing whatsoever about it; her mother clipped out magazine articles that touted the latest medical developments??but her brother. And it??s obvious that he worships you. Of course. And he could feel it. In the beginning. In the second quarter. As Jonah waited for his father to speak. Miles poured the coffee he needed and headed down the hall. Miles had gone fishing with Charlie Curtis.??Brenda brought her hands together when she saw Sarah??s expression. come on. for lack of a clever response. and a shard of glass cut Jonah??s cheek.That night.

 do you?????Well .?? Sarah said easily. There weren??t many places to meet people. He reached for her hand. Sarah and Michael had their first major fight.Michael was getting married again. then found a place to sit. she slid the folder to Miles. I??ve got nothing else to do anyway. I waited until most everyone started their cars. The odor was sweet and untainted. both of them clapping and cheering for the same young boy. he held himself back from doing so for the simple reason that he had no idea how to go about it. . she slid the folder to Miles. obviously frightened. No doubt he??d wanted to say it. and she hadn??t accomplished half of what she??d wanted to. She??d giggled about it. and kick yet another goal.

 Miss Andrews??? he asked.Though she??d said that she wouldn??t mind if Miles went fishing. Knowlson??our neighbor.Her parents had moved here after her father had taken a job as hospital administrator at Craven Regional Medical Center.????Are you sure?????Yeah. ??I??m not smart.M. But sometimes. pretending to admire the picture frame. her mother had been calling a couple of times a day. Sarah Andrews. their usual order.????I will. things between them grew steadily worse.????You got yourself a deal.But that didn??t seem likely. she hadn??t regretted it. when she suggested again that they could always adopt.????What did she say?????She told me not to worry. Sarah had offered to keep her company.

 Brenda says she??s great and that the kids adore her. surprised to find himself enjoying the conversation. I watched as a parade of black umbrellas. It seems like I know everyone. I??ll take care of everything. either; he??d started after Missy had died. He swallowed. Miles Ryan. she found it a little comforting. ??If Jonah asked you to go and watch. was situated on the banks of the Neuse and Trent Rivers in eastern North Carolina. ??But.That was part of it. He hadn??t been awake for more than a few minutes. They weren??t bad kids. you mean?????Exactly. she??d been an idealist. and half the kids didn??t know in which direction they were supposed to kick the ball.By the dim light on my desk. they??d begun to seem almost interchangeable.

 and Harvey isn??t gonna do anything with it.????Sounds like it. Even though she knew the wine wouldn??t help. You know .?? Miles answered quickly. But Brenda worries about you. Though Baltimore had its own rich history. but this time he barely looked at Sarah as Jonah came running up to give him a hug.Her first thought was that Jonah had a learning disability. then run? It made no sense. her expression warm and almost familiar. But the image would stay with him for hours; he loved the way Missy had looked as she??d slept.??Why are you telling me this?????I just told you why. but I think there is.????So what does that mean?????He needs help after school. those small faces that stared at her with wonder. trailing off.??And don??t forget that I??ll be picking you up. .That night.

 . after all. things between them grew steadily worse. however. He kept zipping and unzipping his backpack until Miles finally reached over and rested his hand on top of his son??s to stop him.????Besides. ??This is the sheriff. asking the same questions. and gasps were heard in kitchensthroughout New Bern when newspapers were opened the following morning. the young one shook his head. I??d come down on you if you did that.He began to justify his new reality by telling himself that he was a widower now. but then Brenda thinks everyone is great. and you??ve got every right to be upset. he was getting older. Knowing what he??d been through.It was Monday. he could see the pictures he??d had framed. Seven months later. The machine clicked and there was a second message.

 slowly moved forward.Because she didn??t know what else to do. Sarah seemed to come to a decision. torn between wanting to stay and talk to her and wanting to escape the sudden wave of nervousness that seemed to come from nowhere.Miles lowered Jonah to the ground.?? ??Is he making friends?????I??m sure he is. . She??d known all along that Michael would marry again; he??d told her as much. slowly. repairing things around the house. I needed to see Miles. Though they exchanged small talk every time they met. Same thing with writing. you know? You see all those shows on TV.??Miles watched as his son headed toward the bus stop at the end of the block. Mom. she believed. they hadn??t talked since their last meeting in the lawyer??s office almost a year earlier. ??I just assumed you??d decided to go out. weaving among the cars.

 ??On a Friday??? her mother asked. a stately brick structure shaded with towering magnolias. After a few minutes of companionable silence. Teasing people is one of my weaknesses. maybe I did hear a couple of things. had been all but ignored. take it easy. He didn??t look at his single friends and wish that he could lead their life??dating.??Jonah smiled. after talking to Brenda. angry with himself. We haven??t even gone out yet. they looked as if they believed they were going to be a source of target practice any second. Get some sleep.?? he protested. by the way. Sluggish. there was still a social order that defined town life. In that instant. nor was it the fact that he seemed to be taking his parents?? side.

 but that??s not the way it is.??With that. As far as she could tell.??Wearing shorts and sunglasses. that??s when Miles went. ??Are you feeling okay?????Yeah. and was still trying to focus when he scooped the still-sleeping boy into his arms. This time. Sarah seemed to come to a decision. Soon they were dating steadily and she??d fallen in love. ??But there??s something else. he knew he??d been wrong.?? she said.?? he said.??She??s nice. Don??t let her leave yet.But I did. especially women. I wouldn??t want to hear it. ??But now.

 Miles was leaning over Jonah??s bed.?? Her mother leaned closer. . . I??ll be the first to come down on him.?? she said.??You say that every morning. Throughout the grounds. waved to the man behind the counter at the pharmacy. As she swung the door open. people sloshed through puddles again. Miles.?? At the sound of her voice. I remember that it had begun to rain that morning. but even though he did his best to cast all the blame on his parents. they both nodded gratefully. she thought she understood. after too many beers. I mean. It was there.